How would you describe your relationship with your child? How does the child get along with his/her other parent? How does the child get along with his/her siblings? Does your child have a close relationship with any other members of the family?
I’ve had the privilege of speaking to and working with thousands of students and parents. Through these interactions, I’ve come to realize that despite their good intentions, parents often do things that confuse, annoy, anger or frustrate their children.
I’ve noticed the many mistakes that parents make in trying to raise happy and successful children.
Based on these observations, I’ve come up with a list of 10 questions that all successful parents ask themselves.
(Just to be clear, I’m writing this post from a child and a student’s perspective. Also, to avoid repeatedly writing “he or she,” I’ll assume that the child I refer to is a girl.)
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In a parent child relationship which constructor fires first ?
Do I want what’s good for my child or what’s best?
(This point is inspired by this excellent article.)
It’s natural for parents to advise their children to pursue the safe, predictable and practical route.
Parents do this because they don’t want their children to experience uncertainty or discomfort.
This is the good path.
But is it the best path?
In most cases, no. The best path is usually the one that’s full of challenges, obstacles and disappointments.
It might even be full of the “f” word: failure.
Winning parents distinguish between “good” and “best,” and continually encourage their children to choose “best.”
Do I measure my success as a parent by the quality of the relationship, or by how effectively I can control my child?
Winning parents understand that it’s more important to build a relationship with their child than it is to find innovative ways to control her behavior.
Just because your child obeys your instructions doesn’t mean that you’re a world-class parent. It just means that your child is obedient.
If this obedience comes at the cost of your parent-child relationship, the tradeoff might not be worth it.
In addition, you want your child to be confident. The question is: How to raise a confident child if you’re constantly micromanaging them? It isn’t possible.
Do I speak to my child as if she’s destined for success?
Let’s say that your child does something bad.
She steals a pen from the school bookshop.
How would most parents react?
Most parents would say to her, “How could you do something like that?!? You’re such a bad girl. You’re so dishonest! I’m ashamed that I’m your parent. I’m going to punish you!”
Successful parents, on the other hand, say something more along the lines of this:
“I’m surprised that you would do something like this. You’re usually such an honest and well-behaved girl. I would never have expected you to do this. I’m still going to punish you so that you’ll learn from this mistake, but this is really so unlike you.”
Children have a strange way of becoming what others’ view of them is—especially their parents’.
If you speak to your children as if they’re destined for success, it’s more than likely that they’ll live up to the good name you’ve already given them.
FAQ
What are some good questions to ask about parenting?
- What was life like when you were my age?
- What was the funniest thing that ever happened with your parenting when I was little?
- How did you meet my other parent and what attracted you to them?
- How did you decide that you were going to have me?
What are some questions to ask parents about their child?
- Tell me about your child’s personality. …
- Tell me about your child’s interests. …
- Tell me about your child’s dietary preferences. …
- Does your child have any allergies? …
- Tell me about your child’s learning needs. …
- Tell me about your child’s medical needs.
What are the challenges of parent/child relationships?
